What is our prediction for post COVID-19 divorce statistics? No one knows with certainty. Here is why I think it will increase.
Many years ago, a 70-year-old man came into my office for a divorce after being married 40 years. I asked him why after so many years with two grown children. He explained one year ago I retired from being a traveling salesperson. I have never spent so much time with my wife, and she is nasty. She complains, she yells, and we do nothing together. I asked about marriage counseling. He said, “I want a divorce. I have made up my mind and nothing can fix our marriage.”
Togetherness during COVID-19 couples are likely to see the “real” person they chose to be with. Couples will see the disconnectedness of their relationships and want to reexamine them. “Is this the person I want to stay with or grow old with?”
This is a difficult situation for all of us. Being together under these conditions can be more traumatic or less traumatic. But being together need not result in something negative. To improve our sense of wellbeing we need to make it better. If we do not cope with this pandemic it could lead to long term emotional difficulties, so say the experts. Our mental health depends upon us taking positive adaptive steps otherwise emotionally we may suffer from losing our sense of predictability, mobility, connectedness, space, safety, and purpose in life.
Staying at home is difficult on relationships. So, what can we do while we are staying safe at home from COVID-19?
First, make a schedule of daily activities including physical activity. Plan for the week. By having this structure, you improve your sense of control. Being home often means we are less active. Many people are walking, exercising at home, or riding bicycles, you can too.
Next, stay connected with people. If you and your spouse were already having conflict and thinking about divorce this is a good time to call a truce, even if it is only temporary. Your argument can be that we are stuck here together and whether we like it or not we have to be civil so we can both maintain our sense of personal integrity. After the crisis is over, we can go back to how things were before, but just for now we must co-exist. You can create a way of signaling one another to interrupt any fight that may start and just say something like "Can we pick this up another time? We agreed that we can't do this while we're isolating." You can also have a code word to signal your spouse to stop. Modeling good behavior for children is extremely important to their health, too.
It is also important to maintain relationships with others. Social media and phones are also useful tools. Cell phones can be used to video conference to keep our connectedness. Some people walk around their neighborhoods wearing masks and talking with neighbors but keeping at least six feet away.
Making sure some personal space is your own is more difficult when sharing living space with others. Just make sure each family member has their own space they can retreat to and this is respected by everyone in the household. If you lack the space, take turns with private space.
There is also an issue of safety. Trust that the scientists and medical caregivers will take care of the medical issues and can find answers soon. But not having certainty about what will happen threatens our sense of security. Most of us believe that socially isolating, wearing masks and gloves and frequent hand washing will keep us safe. In addition, we need to do other things that can contribute to our sense of safety. These might also include listening to music that makes us sing along or smile, sitting outside our home, meditating, binge-watching TV shows we enjoy or just reading a book. It is especially important to be safe at home during this crisis because 1 out of 3 families experience violence in the home and stress makes it more likely to occur.
Finally, keep up hope you can go back to doing your normal lives after the crisis is behind us.
To lessen the trauma of COVID-19 take one suggestion each day and do it. If you want a divorce and no amount of counseling will save, repair, or fix your marriage, Family Law Attorneys like us will meet divorce demands post COVID-19. We will also accommodate COVID-19 divorce budgets.